Vulnerability that ugly word

This episode is dedicated to my sister in Heaven. Grief is a strange thing. Not all of us deal with the grief of losing someone we hold dear the same.  Even if we do not show the emotion at the time of impact. It does not mean that the pain is not buried deep within our hearts and soul. I call this my dark episode.  When in fact I think this episode proves to me that God can open the window to heaven. We just need to be a willing vessel. I believe what set the tone for my heavenly connection was music and meditation. And then God handled it from there. He gave me peace and showed me a glimpse of a LOVE that transcends all time and space.

 “I thank my God upon every remembrance of you.” Philippians 1:3 

“To create is to make something that has never existed before. There’s nothing more vulnerable than that.” Brene Brown

Triune loves me - blog
https://triunelovesme.blogspot.com
The Bridge Church / Spring Hill
https://bridge.tv
Baptism / Video
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=__Wt-PPGVHw
Special Thanks to Cory Asbury.  

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:02

In life. We all know that some things can happen unexpectedly. Some may ultimately change your heart and shift your direction. This is a journey of love and how the Holy Spirit did exactly that this story will walk through the 24 months of an incredible soul felt journey with God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. You will share in many events that could be considered spirit-led led or miracles This is Triune loves me with Lori Garner.

Speaker 2: 0:41

Hi, this is Lori, Welcome back. I'm so happy that you came back again today to listen to my story. On the last episode, when I left you, we were dancing. This high on life mood went on for days. I found myself meditating with E lohim. I listened to music. I had photography. I was going to church and I was spending quality time with my family and friends. I felt life at this point could not be any better. On the last episode, I also mentioned that I felt like my heart was being circumcised. And I gave an example that I felt like my heart was like an onion with all these layers. And God was peeling these layers back one at a time. Now, all these days of living life on the high, all of a sudden I hit a dark spot. That was my dark layer. And I crashed and I burned. Now understand I went from this love high to the complete opposite. I went from a very high to a very low, and I found myself in this sadness and despair. I felt like I had a hole in my soul when I didn't know why. I cried for days and days. My family and friend watched this and they try to support me as much as they could. They told me possibly I need to see a therapist that I was just showing my vulnerability. That's an ugly word to me. Now my friend that I called the spark in the previous episode, was starting to pull away. Once again, I found myself trying to find my balance. At this time, my church was doing a firework show for the 4th of July, and I volunteered to be the photographer. Still feeling that ugly word vulnerable. I went ahead and got ready because a firework show was that day got in my car, drove to the church, parked my car, got out, strap my backpack on, grabbed my camera. And I proceeded to make my way through the crowd. Now, at this time I only knew approximately two people there, but as I made my way around this crowd, I found something very peaceful about it. There was a loving atmosphere. There were families playing, they were hugging. They were enjoying each other's company. Children were running around and laughing. There was music in the air and I felt in my soul, I needed to be there at that moment. I continued capturing life through my lens. And then as night fell, I found myself on a pinnacle off to the right. And then all of a sudden I heard the noise of a firecracker being shot off and it blew up right over my head. So where I was positioned, I actually had the firework show directly over my head. And as each one of these fireworks went up in the air and burst into multiple colors. I could see the whole crowd and you could see the wonderment that they were seeing. And the kids were like in awe. It was a beautiful moment to witness. And I knew my purpose that day was to capture life. Now I still felt vulnerable and I was still crying and I called out to Elohim and I asked him, why did you take her? Why did you take my sister? She's my big sister. And she always led me everywhere. And I heard in my soul, she's still leading you. She's just leading you to heaven. And when that happened, I stopped crying and I had a peace in my soul about it. When this happened, I immediately called my friend to share this victory with her. And at that point I realized that she was pulling back and stopping all communications. We did have a little text here and there, but at this point she was no longer there. And now I found myself dealing with another loss and more tears fell. At this point. I was a little bewildered and confused. I had felt this great love that I couldn't contain. And then I crashed and burned and I felt grief for the loss of a friend. And then I asked Elohim, why did you pick her? Why didn't you pick my mom or my girlfriend Debbie. They've known me all my life. Why her? I would never want to hurt anyone. Why her? And He said, I picked her because I knew she would run. And you needed to do this by yourself. I realized now when I look back at the pain, I felt helped me grow. And she will always have a special place in my heart for the role that she played. And I do pray that life is treating her well. And then I started writing, which surprised me very much b ecause I've never been a writer. As a matter of fact, I had a friend in Florida, tell me, you should write more on your Facebook p ost. And I said, Oh, I just throw a quote up there and I'm done. B ut all of a sudden I was purging my feelings a nd writing and everything is in my iPhone, by the way, it's on my notepad. And as time on, I heard in my soul get baptized a nd I go, what I've been baptized? Why am I getting baptized? And then again, get baptized. And I'm l ike saying, why am I getting baptized? I found myself having an argument with Elohim. We went back and forth and back and forth and He wouldn't leave me alone u ntil I said, okay, I'll get baptized. I opened up my computer. I signed up to get baptized. And then He got quiet.

Speaker 3: 6:23

He got what He wanted.

Speaker 2: 6:27

Now, one thing I've found out in my journey is when He wants something, He gets it. He's very patient and He's going to get it. So you might as well give it to Him the first time. Now a few weeks went by and I got a call and they asked me if I wanted to come in for an interview for a job I had applied for. And I said, sure. And it was at a Starbucks in Franklin. So I got dressed and went in for the interview. I met with a hiring manager by the name of Amanda. We sat over coffee and I chatted with her and told her a little bit of my experience. And she told me a little bit about the job. 10 minutes into the conversation. She put her hand out and shook my hand and told me you're hired. I've never been hired on the spot. Now, what I found amusing at the time was a company name. The company's name was Lifetouch and the position was for a photographer, working in the churches, all in Nashville and surrounding areas, go figure it had to be Him too. We concluded our interview and I walked outside and I looked up and said, thank you. And then I laughed and said, I now found your sense of humor. You put me in a position doing photography in churches, all over Tennessee. That's name is Life Touch. Really, as I got in the car and started home, the phone rang and it was pastor Chris, and he said, Hey, this is pastor Chris. I said, hi, pastor Chris. He goes, is this a good time? I said, sure. I said, I just landed a job with a company by the name of Lifetouch. It's a great time. He said, I see you signed up to get baptized. And I said, yes, I did. And he said, well, I need to ask you, why do you want to get baptized? And I said, well, I said I was baptized once before, but I had no clue why I said, and now I know why I want to get baptized. And he said, well, that's a great answer. And he said, we'll baptize you. I said, that's awesome. We said our goodbyes and the conversation ended. So I have about 30 days now before the baptism. And I decided to take a hiatus from social media for that time. So I could prepare a slideshow and then put my slides in the end of my baptism and share it with my friends and family. So I had been working on the slideshow and the slideshow was coming along and I had used a song and I thought, Oh, no, the song that I use might have a copyright issue. And I could not share it on social media. The song was born again by Corey Asbury. So I thought, well, what do I have to lose? I'm going to go out there. And I'm going to Corey and see if he'll allow me to use the song. It was actually on a Sunday that this was happening. So I went ahead and I sent them the text and I said a little prayer. And I went to take a shower. And as I came out of the shower, I look at my phone and he had already responded. And he said, go for it. I was really thrilled about his kindness, cause he didn't have to do that. And it was an amazing thing. So I really thank him for that. As the baptism date got closer, I felt an urge to clean house, sort of speak. I didn't feel I ca n g et baptized with a few things that were still pending and from my past. So I contacted some people that I used to know and just told them that I loved them and told them about my experience. And I cleaned out some old skeletons that were in my closet and I moved on and I felt I was ready to get baptized at this point. Well, the big day came and it was my day to get baptized. I arrived at the church. I changed my clothes. My family came my daughter, my son in law, the kids and my husband. And we had two photographers there. And pastor Chris, the funny thing was I was getting baptized guess where the coffee house. And again, I found his sense of humor. It truly was an amazing afternoon for me. This particular episode brought me through some grief that I didn't know existed. And it was with my sister and he gave me peace. I didn't realize that today would have been six years that she had passed away. I hadn't planned on this particular episode being done on that day. It just happened. So I would like to dedicate this one to her. And I would like to read you a meditation, but first let me tell you a little bit about how I meditate. I do not sit on the floor and cross my legs and put my hands on my lap and chant things that I don't understand. And I respect people that do that. However, I meditate for my lazy boy. I put ear buds in and I listened to music that moves my soul. And what happens with me is a story sometimes will unfold. And during this journey, when that story happens, I've been writing them down. And I have one that I'd like to share with you where my sister appeared, it's called a Sisters' love. The narrator began, his voice was soothing to my soul. He laid the groundwork for a story to unfold. He placed me on a bridge and said, we are going to cross that bridge to the dense forest. My mind drifted. And I slowly began to cross the bridge. There was a stream, a few hundred feet below. Rapids could be seen in the distance and bubbling water made its way downstream where the clear water flowed into a peaceful pool. I walked until I finally stepped my foot on this crunchy gravel. Just on the other side of the bridge, the dense forest was nothing like the narrator described. I saw cotton candy, trees, pink and airy and soft. They stood tall on white cone like trunks, much like you would see at the local fair. There were two rows outlining the beautiful brown brick road ahead. I could see large swirl lollipop, trees and various primary colors in the distance. I was a child about the age of six. The wonderment and innocence could be felt in my soul. I was in awe and I had an excitement of a child that just found this amazing place made of candy. I made my way through the path, laid out before me. And then the narrator said, there's a cabin go in. So I crept in and began to look around. And to my surprise, I was joined by my sister. She must've been all of about nine. Her hair was long, honey blonde, and it fell in soft curls at her shoulders. And she had black frame glasses. I hugged her tightly and said, where have you been? I've missed you. And she said, I've been around. You've just been too busy to see me. And I'm here now. And I brought a friend, his name is Jesus, and He's going to be our teacher today. He pulled a large book from the shelf. He smiled and proceeded to sit in the chair in the corner of the room. His hair was brown, shoulder length. He had a beard and He was dressed in an off white robe. He was wearing sandals and my sister and I giggled. She has always guided me growing up. And this time was no different. She grabbed my hand and said here, sit next to me. We were so excited to hear the lesson. So we quickly sat down. He said, the title of this story is, love never dies. His voice and words spoke to our hearts. My sister scooted closer to me and placed her arm around my shoulder and smiled. We must've been there for hours. It was a surreal moment and faded away to a feeling of peace and love. And it left me with a hunger in my soul to hear more of his soothing voice. It's a voice that will capture your heart. When He finished the story, close the book and laid the book down and said, come sit on my lap. We eagerly joined Him one on each of his knees. He wrapped his loving arms around us and gave us a long hug. I could see my sister press her face into His chest. Her eyes closed. And she radiated with this undescribable love. I will carry that image with me in my heart forever. He then looked at me and said, do you have any questions? I was at a loss for words, but I cupped my hand near his ear to tell Him a secret. And I said, thank you for bringing her hair and showing me this love. And He smiled and said, you're welcome. Now you have to go back home and share this love with others. He picked me up and placed me on my feet on the wooden floor. They both walked me to the door and I hugged them again and said, I love you. I turned and made my way down the path. I turned to look back and they were both standing in the doorway, holding hands, waving goodbye. I followed the road through the cotton candy trees, and I thought I should feel sad, but I felt this peace, this joy, and a love that I couldn't describe. And the music faded and the meditation ended.

: 15:26

Now, when I have these meditations, I usually get a lesson and this was no different. And the lesson for this meditation was, Love Never dies. No matter the distance, time or space, it's a gift, innocent and pure. It's a sweetest ingredients of life that we can share. It's like C andyland don't ever lose the opportunity to love or to be loved. As our time together comes to a close this week. I would like to leave you with one question. Do you believe in miracles? And then I would like to invite you back next week to listen and share with me why I do. Thank you for listening. I hope you enjoyed our time together as much as I have. Wishing you an amazing week this week filled with abundant love. This is Lori signing off. Be kind, be loved and be the amazing you. Please hit the subscribe button and the like button and leave me a comment I truly would love to hear from you.

Speaker 1: 16:32

This has been Triune, loves me with Lori Garner to learn more about Lori's unique journey. Visit her blog. Triuneloves me@blogspot.com and be sure to join Lori. Next time for another episode of Tribune loves me.